sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
I have a yeast infection.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
