I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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