ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
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