We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
