Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
Randomize
