When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
