Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
