you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
