I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Randomize
