just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
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