why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
