I must be too annoying 4 u.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Randomize
