I want to have your abortion
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
