lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I wish you could order shots online.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
