and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
