I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
