you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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