i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
last night I used snow as a chaser
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
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