we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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