I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
