I wannas sexs uuuuu
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
