It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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