Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
