So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
