I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
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