its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
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