I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Randomize
