i'm signing you up for texting rehab
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Randomize