Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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