i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
