how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Randomize