i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
