So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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