Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
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