forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Randomize
