Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Randomize
