i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize
