And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
drinking out of a sandbucket again
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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