the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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