On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
