Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Randomize
