yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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