We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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