I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
