then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Randomize
