OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Randomize
