i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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