Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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