i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
