Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Randomize
