He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize