I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
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