I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
