"it" just moved
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
