Don't make out with my wife yet
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
