hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Randomize
