mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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