Just fell off a train. Bad.
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
