dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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