I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Randomize
