I am puke
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Randomize
