So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Randomize