Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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